Citizens of Mondegreen
by Mice
Summary: One night changed five people - this is how they got through the next year. Part of the "Everyone Says I Love You" series. Events take place after the initial events in "Six Seeds".
1. Default Chapter

This story happens a few weeks after the events taken place in Six Seeds

Mondegreen: A series of words that result from the mishearing or misinterpretation of a statement or song lyric.

Citizens of Mondegreen

By Mice

When I grow up, Bobby Drake once confided to himself in a dark room at a young age after yet another argument with his father, I want to be president of the world and establish world peace.

-1-

May

Everyone had left him two days prior, but Bobby still stared at the door because one part of him hoped that they'd come back and tell him that it was all just a mistake.

The other part hoped they'd come back so he could hurt them the way they hurt him.

The room was sparse and had only what was essential. It was almost like a hospital, but as Jean kept stressing on the ride upstate, it was a rehab clinic, not a hospital.

He was a dog being taken to a farm, never to be heard from again.

He shook his head in disbelief. He didn't have that big of a problem. He couldn't sleep. He took pills to help with that. He didn't want to live. He took pills and a long swim to help with that. Compared to everyone else, it wasn't really that big of a deal.

There hadn't been a night since he had taken the plunge that he had even considered thanking Hank for pulling him out of the pool. He hadn't regained consciousness in two days. When he came to, he was dealt two blows: "Congratulations, you're alive!" and "She read your note."

He remembered Hank giving him a piece of paper that had laid crumpled on his floor that had his handwriting on it. He barely remembered writing it. He was almost sure he hadn't. But all the actions and crimes against him listed were his. And they were his thoughts, no matter how dark they were.

Bobby wanted nothing more than to talk to her, but couldn't talk to anyone on the outside for at least twenty-eight days.

When I grow up, Jubilee said to herself one lazy morning when the idea of getting out of bed was the last thing on her mind and the only thing on her mother's mind, nobody is going to tell me what to do.

-2-

The first thing Jubilee did when she saw her new bed was leap onto it and jump. She forced a smile when Annie came in. "Just trying out the new wares."

Annie nodded. Annie didn't talk much, lately.

"How's yours?"

Annie shrugged.

"Not in for small talk?"

Annie handed her the phone.

"Who is it?"

Annie spoke slowly and carefully, "Harpo."

Jubilee took the phone and promptly hung up.

Annie stared at her.

"Don't judge me."

Annie continued and spoke again. "Cruel."

Jubilee pointed her finger directly in Annie's face. "Don't you dare do that! You just ditched Bobby! You have no right to tell me what I am! You ran out on Bobby - after he tried to kill himself - with no explanation! For all he knows, you two are still in a relationship!"

Annie shook her head. "Why would he?"

Jubilee rolled her eyes. "Nobody told him that you left."

"He wouldn't care." Annie turned to walk out of the room. Doing so, she felt Jubilee's hand clamp on her shoulder.

"You don't talk about him like--"

Annie grabbed Jubilee's hand off of her shoulder, turned to the teenager who was inches shorter than her – though had far more field experience than she - and stared her down. As much as she hated the sound of her own voice since biting off the tip of her tongue, she spoke. "Listhen to me, because I'm only going to say thish once - I didn't invite you here. I'm not here to take care of you. While you are here, you are responsthible for yoursthelf.

"I left him, but I had good reason. I'm shtill unclear why you left."

Jubilee rolled her eyes at her new roommate.

"You don't have to tell me. I truly don't care if you do. But if we're going to be here together for however long, let's agree that you don't judge me, and I don't judge you."

Jubilee opened her mouth to retort when Annie spoke again. "I'm not Logan. I'm not Jean. I'm not another authority figure for you to wear down. You wanted to be my roommate, you are going to act like it. You are going to be responsible for you because I have a lot of shit to go through and I don't want to be bothered with yours."

Annie pointed to the sink. "Dishes - you use it, you clean it. Food, you eat any of mine, you buy me more before I get home. Phone - you pay for your calls, I'll pay for mine. You will not bring anyone here to have sex with if I am here. Bathroom - we are blessed to have two. Living room - don't leave shit in front of the door, watch television at a reasonable volume and if you rent a good movie, we watch it together. If you order take out, you ask me if I want some. If you bake, you offer me some. If you have an explosion in the kitchen, you clean it up before the end of the day. Music will be played at a reasonable volume, the exceptions being Bananarama, play loud, Roxette, play loud, Air Supply, get the fuck off my island.

"You are now an adult living with an adult - and don't give me that crap about your age, you are more mature than most. With that expectation comes the perksh--perks. I don't care where you go off to, I don't care when you come back. If I don't hear from you in three days, though, I will file a report with the police and will begin pricing your stuff."

Jubilee glared, not quite knowing what else to do.

"The same goes for me, you know." Annie explained.

"You barely lisped."

Annie nodded. "It hurt, but I tried."

When I grow up, Hank McCoy thought while watching his father toil on their farm while ignoring the task of slaughtering hogs, I am never going to get my hands dirty.

-3-

"You just had to draw the short straw, Henry. Out of all the straws, you pulled the short one, " Hank - or Henry, since he was very displeased with himself - muttered while cleaning out Annie's room. "On the one hand, it's interesting to note that nobody noticed my dear crush on the girl - and that makes us feel sneaky. On the other hand, we must wonder what kind of dim bulbs we have on our current roster."

"If it's any consolation, then, Ah knew."

Hank turned around to find Harpo Lubbock in the doorway - nearly a dead ringer for Bobby if not for the long locks of hair - right down to the pint of cookie dough ice cream in his hands.

Hank recalled that the boy was somewhat involved with Jubilee. Even more, he was somewhat involved and didn't get a scratch on him from Logan. He seemed to recall that Logan liked the boy. Hank hadn't talked to his best friend's cousin much, though. In a sad thought, Hank decided that if Bobby couldn't be here, then maybe --

"Ah'm not that much like Bobby, Dr. McCoy."

Hank nodded gently. "Empath."

"If it makes you feel any better, you're not much like Jubilee, but I had a similar thought." Harpo pulled out another spoon and offered Hank some of his ice cream. "You two were good friends."

"Jubilation was one of a kind," he replied while digging in. "A most interesting young lady."

"She was definitely different," Harpo agreed. "Ah knew she would do this and Ah was still shocked, is that strange?"

Hank shook his head. "Why did you think that she would--"

"Ah tried to control myself around her - she asked me if Ah could try to not read her mind so much. This is what always pisses me off about the energy manipulators - some things you just can't control - can you control being big and blue?"

"No, but to be fair I haven't tried..." Hank took a minute and squinted in an act of concentration. "Am I still big and blue?"

"Yeah."

"Then you most definitely have a point.."

"Same thing for empaths. You can ask some of them on the team - we do our best, but it ain't always one hundred percent effective." Harpo dug his spoon in the ice cream, trying to harness his spoon with maximum cookie dough. "It's like she was just going through the motions of what she thought she was supposed to do...and to be honest...Ah tested them. Ah pushed her and she just...she caved." He swallowed the bit on his spoon and continued. "That's not the girl she is! She doesn't cave or bend and she did both. It's like Ah dated a pod person…"

"There's an awful lot of cookie dough in here...what brand is it?"

"Ah added some...a lot...there's never enough cookie dough in these things..."

Hank sat motionless, not quite sure what to do. He certainly wasn't friendless in the mansion, but Bobby was gone. And Annie. Two people who he care a lot about had left within a span of two days, just like that. Someone who was going through a similar thing would be most welcome to share the pain. But he--

"You can either go back in your lab and sulk until someone comes back or you can come with me and eat some brownies."

When I grow up, a very bored and very young Annie Peckenpaugh thought while returning back to the bus after her father didn't come to pick her up, people are going to line up to meet me.

-4-

In this particular strip mall Annie was at, you could get a Slurpie, a gyro, get your laundry done, take a yoga class, learn how to be a realtor, and buy doughnuts. Annie wasn't doing any of these things (though she made a mental note about the doughnut shop for later) – she was here for reasons dictated to her by Charles Xavier.

"My name is Ben and…I'm a mutant."

"Hi, Ben!" the group responded.

"I first noticed when I was about eighteen…I know that the scientific reports say that you can first notice around age thirteen, but I didn't."

Annie was sure that there was a special circle in hell reserved for Xavier for requesting her to attend these meetings. In this room, she could tell that people made the same mental note about the doughnuts as she did, but went before and went often. There were men peering at her cleavage, which struck her funny, as she didn't have any. She could tell that there were some souls here who needed help, but there were others…

"At first, the spoons would make such normal requests – like asking to be handwashed instead of being put in the dishwasher. But then…they became a bit bloodthirsty. I can't remember much of the next five years of my life – I was rather heavily sedated in prison, but I remember that when I got out was the first time I learned that my mother was dead – of course, it was the spoons that told me so…"

Annie knew plenty about subtle mutancy, having one of her own. What she never put together that there might have been others who went through the same process she did when she was a teenager – going through the symptoms with no obvious signs and no outward proof. She sometimes envied her previous housemates with the obviousness of their mutations. To have that instant answer that you can shoot beams of energy from your eyes or read other peoples minds. The confusion she had as a teen left her thinking that she may have been crazy – it was only by the unlucky fact that she had to have a bloodtest done after she wrecked her knee that she got a solid answer. She couldn't quite come up with what might have happened if she hadn't gotten that answer, but this twelve-step group was a clear indication of confusion gone wrong.

Ben sat back down at his seat as they were all dismissed to drink punch and eat cookies. Annie decided against both and got her things to leave. She didn't tell her tale and had no intention of doing so.

"Make love to me all night long in weird and taxing positions if I am wrong, but I'm sure I've met you before."

Annie glared at the blonde haired man in glasses who had been staring at her non-existent cleavage. "I'm sorry, but I think you may have to go solo on that thought. You know Hank. I was his…student for a while."

"Can I make another proposition to you, then?"

"You've already propositioned me five times, Dr. Knight. Three times back at a lecture Hank gave, once when I was trying to go to the bathroom, and then just now."

"Only five times? The ego is wounded."

Annie dragged him over to a more private corner of the room. "You're not a mutant."

"I may be!"

Annie glared at him.

"I said I "may" – giving to the allusion that I could or could not be a mutant."

"Then why are you here, Dr. Knight?"

"Why you are here? I thought you would have already come to terms with your abilities by now."

"I'm here as a favor to my alma matter – an investigation of sorts. Now, why are you here?"

"Bored."

"You're bored?"

"Really bored. Physics is a harsh mistress, and harsh in the way that isn't fun." He began to smile as she began to walk away. "I take it you graduated, then?"

"Yes," she called back.

"How did you do?"

"First in my class."

"Can I take you out then? Celebration dinner?"

Annie turned back to him once again. "Dr. Knight, I—"

"Never call me that again unless your naked and covered in coconut."

Annie rolled her eyes. "You have no idea who you are up against, Chris. You can't wear me down with optimistic sarcasm."

"Can I whisper sweet equations in your ear?"

"You can't wear me down that way either."

"I just want dinner."

"I just want to be left alone."

Chris smiled. "You just broke up with someone."

"How do you know, I don't recall you being an empath?"

"I'm not, but I am observent – you just have that look – your breasts are covered in flannel, your hair is in that in-between ponytail that says "Tomorrow, I'm chopping it all off", and, most importantly, you're rebuffing me instead of boffing me."

Annie rolled her eyes.

"Did Hank do this to you and your breasts?"

"I'm leaving now. Are you going to be here next week?"

"Are you?"

"I have to be."

"Then so am I."

When I grow up, Harper Jacob Bass thought to himself the Labor Day Weekend before entering his first co-ed school, watching his mothers make out, I am going to be the most understanding man on earth and women will flock to me.

-5-

"Ah have the tools necessary, Hank, what Ah don't have is…ya know…" Harpo motioned to the air around him as he cut brownies with the other hand. "Ah was patient, understanding, Ah didn't push her to do anything she didn't want to do, and Ah get dumped. No, Ah didn't get dumped, Ah got eviscerated."

"At least you didn't lose her to your best friend."

"She was mah best friend!" Harpo licked the knife before putting it in the sink, removing the chocolate goo from it. "Ah didn't go to a lot of huge schools…and Ah was always the weird kid. Ah thought that with Jubilee, she understood that and things could just be normal in a way that they weren't before – that the secret was finding someone as odd as you and then things could find their own place." He placed a brownie on a plate for himself.

"Are you sure you should eat that now?"

"Ah want a brownie. Ah need the brownie. It's mah brownie." Harpo shoved the brownie in his mouth and tuned out his big blue companion who stared at the pan longingly.

Harpo's logic made a lot of sense at the moment. Hank almost went for a plate, but then decided to go for it, though he'd be cleaning his fur for a bit. He followed suit and shoved the brownie in his mouth and couldn't remember when he tasted something quite like it.

"Uhm…Hank?"

"Yes, Harpo?"

"There's something I need to tell you about these brownies…"

"Yes?"

"Uhm, how to put this…you know that nostolgic feeling you're tryin' ta place right now?"

"…yes?"

"Think back to your dorm room days."

Hank thought back to when there were home baked brownies in his dorm rooms – a memory came back of him winning the Cheeto eating contest in the next hour and the proclamation that he was Sugar Bear and that he couldn't get enough of Sugar Golden Crisp, which at first meant the sight of various lovely young women in the dorms, before it became an actual craving for Sugar Golden Crisp.

"Oh my stars and garters…"

Author's Note: Most characters belong to Marvel Comics. Annie (though definitely the superior Annie to Marvel's) and Harpo are not. Chris Knight has been borrowed from the movie "Real Genius". Don't look at me like that. Seriously, don't, it's creepy. And I'm going to tell Mom…


	2. Chapter 1

Citizens of Mondegreen

By Mice

Part One: June

-Jubilee-

"Breed on the cat with a big straw hat." _Beat on the Brat, _The Ramones

-1-

One of the first things Jubilee hated about the apartment is that her bedroom only had one window. She tried to convince Annie that she was more than deserving of the master bedroom, but Annie had just continued to move her stuff in without further consideration on the matter.

With the bedroom that had the one window came a limited amount of flow of air, to which Jubilee was sure was a cruel and inhumane torture intended for her. She couldn't sleep in past ten a.m. because of it. When she got up to complain, Annie just muttered about Jubilee's lack of clothes and that she was working on something.

When Jubilee did emerge freshly dressed, she made her breakfast and turned on the television. Problem was that Annie was working on something in the living room and couldn't see that Jubilee had a big day of catching up on soap operas to do. Annie just stayed put, never really watching the television. Even when Annie's favorite soap,_ Passions_, came on, she didn't bat an eye, but made plenty of noise while working.

When it was time for dinner, Jubilee unglued herself from the couch long enough to throw something in the microwave. Annie cooked her own food, but never offered any to Jubilee. Annie's food smelled…not good, but most definitely edible. Jubilee's food usually looked and smelled like 80's fashion.

Jubilee did not take this lightly. She rebelled by leaving her dishes in the sink until they were a game of Jenga. She did this for the trash as well. In the bathroom they shared, Jubilee purposefully neglected to replace missing toilet paper. Her hair products were strewn over the counter in a most dominating way.

Annie didn't say a word, just kept tinkering with her projects or leaving at night for the work Xavier was having her blah blah blah. It didn't interest Jubilee. It just pissed her off.

Then, finally, there was a solution in Jubilee's mind that she was sure that Annie couldn't ignore. Something that would tell Annie that she wasn't the greatest roommate ever, either.

She wasn't expecting Annie to help her pack, to give her a ride, and she wasn't prepared for her tires to squeal on the way out of the driveway as she left, but she knew it'd begin to eat Annie up soon. Jubilee wasn't an easy person to get over.

"Would you like Jacqueline's old room, Billie?" Nan Bass asked her from the doorway.

And so, only after a month after moving back to Los Angeles, Jubilee wound up at Nan Bass's home, where she was taken out to dinner and ate meat and potatoes, rolls that came with pats of butter and a waiter who had even nicer pats of butter. She watched television into the wee hours with her new housemate and helped herself to some ice cream before going to bed.

Jubilee finally relished living on her own for the first time.

-2-

The next morning, there was a prompt knock on the door. Jubilee knew it was morning by the fact that her body refused to want to get up. She did her best to ignore it, but it kept knocking. Jubilee eventually stumbled to the door in a small tank top and a fairly skimpy pair of panties and answered it. "Yeah?"

"Time to get moving, Billie."

Jubilee was sure that Nan was talking to her, but couldn't quite make out individual words. "Mmm-hmm."

"You should probably get dressed."

"Hmm."

Nan took a deep breath. "I'm not leaving until you get dressed – I need to go down to the gym."

The words were beginning to sound more and more like English. "What?"

"It's seven a.m., Billie. It's time for me to go to my gym. And I need you to drive me."

Jubilee groaned. "Who goes to the gym this early?"

"Well, not I – I usually go at about six – I need to stay the ever gray fox in my group of friends and that doesn't happen without effort. I tried waking you up at six, but you didn't answer the door and I thought I'd let you off easy the first night. Tomorrow, nothing is going to stop me from my early morning squats." With that, Nan closed the door on her and she heard her exit the house and enter her car. Jubilee thought she should amuse the woman as she dressed herself in a way that Geranimals would approve of and drug herself outside. She'd talk to Nan tonight about how she refused to rise before double-digit hours. It was just something she'd have to understand.

As Jubilee entered the car blurry eyed, she turned to her passenger and mumbled, "You know I don't have a license, right?"

"Well, I guess you know what you're doing tomorrow. Overland and Venice, Billie." Nan patted her shoulder. "You're going to see my other pride and joy."

-3-

Directly across the street from the impressive (and ridiculous) Bally's Total Fitness gym sat a fairly fantastic rival. There weren't a lot of hard bodies on display in the big picture windows, but nobody felt the need to throw their Starbucks coffee at the window, either.

"Do you like it, Billie?"

Still freshly woken up, Jubilee squinted. There was something comfortingly obnoxious about it. "Where the hell are we?"

"Foxy's. I bought a franchise. Granted, this is the first, but Chlora and Marie each bought one – Marie couldn't bring herself to drive all the way down from the Valley – tried telling her that she's just lazy and that the gym would help, but she said it was easier if she could just buy her own franchise." Nan clucked her tongue. "You know, that's exactly how she lost out to Debbie Reynolds for her part in "Singing in the Rain", the commute?"

"I didn't get to be in "Singin' in the Rain" because that slut Debbie Reynolds did things to the good Alfred Freed that I don't dare discuss here."

Nan turned and threw a look at her oldest (remaining) friend. "Did you get lost and wind up on the freeway, Marie?"

Marie threw her gym bag on the floor and scowled at her oldest friend (who refused to die). "My granddaughter is visiting me this summer before going to college and we happened to be in the area." Marie then took off her bulky sweat pants to reveal a fairly fantastic pair of gams for a woman in her seventies. "Besides, I thought that I could maybe inspire you."

Nan raised a magnificent eyebrow. "Good thinking, Marie, drawing attention to your legs, since that's how far your tits are pointing due south these days."

Jubilee took thoughtful steps away from the senior smack down and explored the gym. It wasn't "fantastic" compared to the previous facilities she had used, but there was something a bit more to it. It had the basic equipment that most gyms have and this gym seemed to have a clientele exclusively dedicated to women over fifty-five. One thing that did catch Jubilee's eye was the big, "No Shirt, No Pants, No Problem" sign at the front door with the visage of what seemed to be Paul Lekakis. There was another sign, this one with a particularly horrible picture of Liza Minelli with some particularly unclean language that Jubilee suspected Nan picked up while doing a USO show for the Navy.

Then it hit Jubilee. Most gyms did not feature young, buff, attractive gay men walking around in tight pants offering help to its patrons (well, Jubilee thought, none this far off from West Hollywood). At least the slogan also plastered on the front made more sense to her now: "Foxy's – We won't be out-foxed!"

"Is there anything I can help you with?"

Jubilee jumped – startled so early in the morning – by a very large man with a very large package. In fact, it was about eye level to her. Turning away quickly, she shouted, "Nan, I'm going to Starbucks!"

-4-

Jubilee licked the syrup from her coffee cup greedily. She didn't look forward to going back to the gym and wanted to stay at the Starbucks for a very, very long time. Jubilee was seated at a table that had a window facing directly across from Nan's gym. While she did not want to go back right away, she couldn't help but stare at it, making a small spectacle of herself in the process.

From her perch, Jubilee could see Nan and Marie were doing slo-mo kung fu fighting (at least she hoped it was slo-mo – there seemed to be a lot of excited older woman cheering the women on). Jubilee kept her eyes focused away from the gym.

"Nasty shit going down in there," a dark haired, dark eyed girl at a table nearby tossed to her. Jubilee was pretty sure it was for her since no one else was seated at this hour on a Sunday morning. The girl's eyes were on the gym, as well. "My bets are on the brunette."

Jubilee rolled her eyes. "Brunette's gonna get burned. The blonde is going take her ass and make it into a hat."

"That happens to be my grandmother!"

"And that happens to be my roommate!"

The girls glowered towards the gym. "Did she make you drive her here this early?" Jubilee grumbled.

"There ain't no way this ass would get out of its bed any other way. Did you know she made me drive down here from the Valley? She lives just a block away from this gym, but she said she had to finish something that was started fifty years ago." The girl got up to sit down at Jubilee's table. "I'm Missy."

Jubilee smiled small. "Billie."

Missy opened her cup to swallow the last remains of her coffee. "So Nan Bass is your roommate…is she renting to students this year?"

Jubilee shrugged. "My previous roommate left a lot to be desired."

Missy nodded. "But you're a student, right?"

"I'm taking a year off – I feel like I've been in the same grade for fourteen years. Just graduated and am looking forward to doing absolutely nothing."

Missy raised her eyebrows as she wiped the foam from out of her coffee cup with her finger. "Fair enough. I'm starting at UCLA this year."

"Where are you from?" Jubilee asked, instantly defensive of her home turf.

"I'm from here. I did some time down south in the San Diego area, though – experiences better left unsaid. I'm glad to be back up here."

Jubilee nodded. "Me too. I just got back from Massachusetts. I grew up here, though. It's good to be home. Nothing is quite like Los Angeles."

Nan and Marie stumbled into the Starbucks – spandex torn on each other's body and tiny, scarlet scratches and pink half moon marks covered their exposed flesh. Each ordered a tea and sat at tables far, far away from one another.

"For one, you don't get old woman wrestling – not with out pay-per view, at least." Missy got up to go to her grandmother. "I'm playing chauffer for her for the summer, so I guess I'll see you around."

Jubilee nodded as she went to Nan. "Yeah, sure. See you around."

Nan shook her head as Jubilee sat down. "What? Is it wrong to fraternize with the enemy's grand progeny?"

Nan sipped her tea. "No, just glad you have a friend your own age. Frankly, Billie, I worry. Not that I don't approve of Bobby, myself, and Diana –"

"Diana?"

"Your previous roommate."

"Hey! Annie is NOT my friend!"

"—but a girl needs friends her own age. Missy will be a good influence on you, and hopefully for her hag of a grandmother!"

"Nan!"

"I guess she won't be bragging about having all her real teeth, now!"

"She wears dentures?"

Nan pulled out a tooth from her pocket. "She'll have to wear something now."

-5-

-Annie-

"Oh Charles, please shut up now, this is scary." _Voices Carry, _Til Tuesday.

Annie gawked at herself in the mirror of her car. She knew she was going to do this since she was released from the hospital after finding out she had had an unscheduled hysterectomy. But between her then boyfriend's mother's funeral, tracking down the woman who performed the surgery on her, rebuffing the advances of someone she certainly did not want to rebuff, finding out her then boyfriend was a rapist who had grown bored of her, kicking the ass of the woman who did this to her, and then moving across the country to get away from it all…it didn't leave her enough time to get her hair cut.

Not only did Annie get an unfathomably cheery bob hair cut, she had it dyed it a more natural red (as natural as red could get). It was another part of a new costume she was building for herself in California. It was hard to believe that just a few years ago, she was the same Annie Peckenpaugh who waited tables and waited for her boyfriend/fiancé to grow up. It was a time Annie was finding hard to believe ever existed. In fact, that was happening to a lot of her memories and she was glad for the detachment.

She stepped out of the car and walked to the MINOA meeting – Mutants In Need Of Answers. It was part of an exchange she and Xavier had worked out for her rent and living expenses to survey these meetings. One part of many. While she felt like she was doing something, she wished it were something more useful.

At least these meetings came with free Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

"Fancy meeting you here again."

"There's no fancy about it, Chris," Annie bit between bites of her doughnut. "We discussed this last week. You asked if I was going to be back, and I said yes. There's no shock. There's no new sudden development, there's no—" Annie pointed to his doughnut. "Is that a cream filled?"

Chris Knight smiled. "I'll give it to you if you let me take you to dinner."

"You are not bribing me with a doughnut."

"I just did."

"I want that doughnut."

"I want to buy you a steak."

"No."

"Oh, are you a vegan? Fine, I'll buy you a carrot steak."

"I am NOT vegan?"

"Raw food girl? Funny, you don't look like a Holocaust survivor..."

"Christ, Chris..."

"Hey, if you're a raw foods girl, how come you're not telling me all about how a piece of lettuce is nature's taco?"

Annie grabbed the cream filled doughnut out of his hand. "I am NOT a raw foods girl. I'm from the west, we deep fat fry anything and we like it that way."

Chris grinned. This seemed to further annoy Annie. "What?"

"Deep fried Twinkie."

Annie continued to eat her doughnut.

"Does that make you hot?"

"...no..."

"I know where you can get one."

"Where!"

"Let me rephrase, I know where you can let me buy you one."

Annie began to glare at him. "Dr. Knight--"

"I told you, call me Chris."

"Whatever. Look, I don't understand why you are so keen on wanting to take me out. I am not a respected mind of science, so clearly you don't want to talk to me for my devastating intellect and so outside of wanting to get into my pants, I don't know why you would want to take me out to dinner. Because my pants are a in a "hands off" place right now."

"I'm hurt, Ms. Peckenpaugh." Chris took another doughnut from the box and took a bite. With a mouthful, he responded, "Hank is one of my favorite colleagues. Finding a scientist with an equally genius sense of humor is like finding a rich accordion player. Did he ever tell you about the time we were at a fundraiser together and to pass the time, we found a way to animate the Cornish game hens for a few seconds, leaving everyone to believe that we were being fed Zombie Game Hens?"

Annie sighed heavily.

"I won't even tell you what we did to the asparagus. Why do people even make that? Does anyone even like asparagus? Have you ever heard of one person say, "I have got to go and get me some asparagus!"?"

Annie stared at him. "What does Hank have to do with me?"

"He broke up with you and I want to kiss it and make it better."

Annie chose to glare at him this time. He was a golden glowing piece of smarm before her. Luckily, since she was trained to deal with this very thing from none other than the crowned prince of golden smarm, Warren Worthington, she was immune. "You are a thick one, Chris."

"The fact that you can tell that with all my clothes on is an accomplishment, Annie."

Annie grabbed a napkin and began to head over to her chair in the circle for the meeting. "I never dated Hank, Chris."

Chris followed after her. "So you didn't just break up?"

Annie sat herself between two women, shutting Chris out. "Didn't say that."

Chris gave his doughnut in exchange for one of the seats next to her. "Then are you saying you'll have dinner with me?"

Annie thought for a moment - she thought of W.W.W.W.D. - What Would Warren Worthington Do? She realized that Warren would pursue someone as long as they seemed dead set against seeing him. When his prey relented, so did his affections. "You said you know a place with fried Twinkies?"

The program director of MINOA, Clarice Snow, a product of MINOA who seemed to always know when a Gene Hackman film was playing without the use of a TV Guide, then clapped her hands in the middle of the chair circle. "Welcome, Minoans! Let us all clasp our hands with the person next to us in a formation of unity!"

"Uh, Clarice?" the woman on the other side of Annie spoke up.

"Yes, Jane?"

"I can't touch another person..."

"Does it have to do with your mutant power?"

"I have Krispy Kreme glaze on my fingers and there aren't any napkins..."

A man from across the circle. "Uhm, I have both - when I touch people, they seem to get classic tv sitcom themes stuck in their head for the next three hours and I have glaze on my fingers."

"Thank you, Howard. Anyone else?" Clarice shouted out.

Everybody raised their hands and soon, paper towels - and a pair of latex gloves for Howard - were passed around.

-6-

-Bobby-

"I remember Summer stalking me." -- _The Metro_, Berlin

Bobby struggled to remain upright in the chair in his counselor's office. He hadn't been sleeping again, though he wasn't entirely sure of the veracity of that statement. He was sure that he had to be sleeping sometimes, but he just couldn't remember it. There were times when he wasn't sure if he was awake or dreaming. As a tactic, he took to sucking on peppermint candies - if he tasted peppermint, he was awake. If he didn't, he was dreaming about being on tour and being hailed as the sixth member of Duran Duran.

"Fuck!" Bobby swore out loud.

"What's the problem, there, trooper?" his counselor replied from his side of the desk.

Bobby held his head in his hands. "Duran Duran!"

"What about them?"

"I had tickets! They're playing next week - I was supposed to go with my girlfriend and...no chance I can get let out to go?"

"I'm afraid not, but I'm sure that there's something we can do to help."

"All five original members - all of them! One stage, one tour...and I'm not going to be here..." For the first time during his stay, Bobby felt the ground go out beneath him. He'd had smaller events similar to this, but it was more along the lines of smaller things, such as missing certain television programs or visitors that came round to his old residence. For the most part, Bobby was coping with being in rehab with a since of relief that the lack of responsibility it gave him. His nerves had calmed down a lot in the past few weeks he was here - in this environment, there wasn't much that could be done to him. But the concert triggered a heaving sob from him as he began to remember what else he wasn't going to be doing for a while.

"Robert...hey, buddy, wipe those tears away with an umbrella made by Kleenex." The counselor passed him a box of tissues which Bobby grabbed gingerly. "I know what you're going through. A lot of us have been where you are. Rock bottom, dire straights, but that doesn't mean that sunlight ceases to beam down on us. I've been going to this rehab for seven and a half years. I'm no dummy. I know rehab patients."

"Wait, what?" Bobby caught himself in mid-sob. "Aren't you my counselor?"

He grinned as he got up and put a hand on Bobby's shoulder. "I'm two great flavors in one! Look, do you want to spend time with some degree holding curmudgeonly imbecile telling you that you'll be fine when his strongest addiction is a little too much coffee here and there, or do you want me, been there and still doing that guy?"

"Still doing that?"

"I licked the cocaine addiction, I just got other addictions in the process - and that's the key to all success!"

Bobby looked up his nose. "I can see powder in your nose."

"Pixie Stick, Robert. Pixie Stick." He withdrew a package from his pocket. "Want some?"

Bobby shook his head no. Charles DeMarr shrugged and snorted its remains. "Your loss - this stuff is one hundred percent pure pixie!"

-7-

"Excuse me while I kiss this guy." --_Purple Haze_, Jimmy Hendrix

Harpo Lubbock shivered in the sweater that Jubilee had bought for him for his birthday. She had been working on his self held belief that he was a size extra large. The sweater he was wearing was a medium. It made him look larger than his extra large shirts. Since Jubilee left, he took great pains not to wear this sweater - he could still smell the smugness on it.

As it was, he had no choice but to wear the sweater as Sexton Manor in upstate New York had been renamed McCoy's Pond and rule one of McCoy's Pond was that the thermostat be kept low until after the leaves turned to get Hank McCoy further attuned to the feeling of a traditional New England fall, which was the frame of mind he thought he needed to be to write his story.

It was only the end of June.

"Another hot butter rum, Dr. McCoy?"

Hank turned from his writing area, complete with warm woolen green sweater and brown corduroy newsboy cap and grinned at his newly acquired assistant as he placed the previous glass on his waiting tray. "Excellent timing, Harper. Another shot of hot buttered inspiration is just what this doctor ordered!"

Harpo stopped for a moment to confirm that Dr. McCoy was just drunk and trying to be punny instead of putting in an honest punning effort. This was thankfully one of (extremely rare) times when it was the drink being the cause for the bad humor.

"Be right back, Dr. McCoy."

Hank kept grinning after Harpo left. The past four weeks were an ongoing bad dream for the usually jovial soul who found himself without friend or comfort. The absence of Annie's warm presence up and left with little warning and when he inquired to Professor Xavier as to where she might be, he received no answer. She didn't want him to find her.

It was quite obvious where Bobby was going as soon as Jean put his suitcase in her car. Hank was just a moment away from entering the back seat when Bobby had looked at him and Hank didn't need any telepathic talent to let him know that he wasn't wanted on this trip. Bobby still blamed him for saving his life.

And for the next few weeks, Hank brooded. He set work into his lab, hoping to escape into his theories, but found no such luck.

Then the rumors began. An innocent pot shot at his old girlfriend, Trish Tilby, turned into a media sensation and he was the object of media scrutiny.

This time? For being gay.

He was asked to be on several news programs to talk about being a gay mutant (something which Jean-Paul was getting more and more upset about, though Hank suspected he was a bit relieved that he was no longer the poster boy for gay mutants out there), but Hank had refused. He had also refused to correct the media. As far as the world knew, Hank McCoy was here, he was queer, and the number one Right Wing fear.

(He had received a lovely letter from Al Franken during the midst of all this, though.)

Xavier had suggested that maybe Hank follow through on his own previous thoughts of escaping upstate for his own retreat. His growing weariness over science and the media with the departure of his best friend and pupil made it seem the best recourse.

The hiring of the beautiful young boy to be his personal assistant was the icing on the tabloids paychecks. Harper didn't seem to mind. He often did yard work with his shirt off and took what he referred to as "Diet Coke breaks". A photo op was taken and they left for the day.

Hank sighed into his chair. He wasn't only living fiction, but he was writing it, too. The title of the novel he came to Sexton Manor to write (pending, of course, until a better title came along)? "The Real McCoy: My Life as a Gay Mutant".


End file.
